Hey men, wanna know what's really sexy?
What turns me on?
What makes me wanna get the kids in bed early, shake my hair out of its sensible ponytail, and get down to crazy-like-we-just-started-dating business?
Leave your wet towel on the floor.
Pretend you don't see the laundry piled up.
Put your dirty dish next to the sink.
Or, for the sure bet, play the game that's always a hit: "I-didn't-hear-the-baby-crying-otherwise-I-totally-would-have-gotten-up".
OK men, I get it. You're tired just like us. You work long hours too. But, last I checked and thanks to the feminist movement, women are working up to a double-even triple-standard.
For you working mothers out there, the expectation is that you put in a full day at the office and then come home, get a meal on the table, spend quality time with the kids, clean up around the house, throw in a few loads of laundry, make lunches for the next day, grade some papers (if you are a teacher), send some emails (if you are anything else) and then, when all of that is done, spend some time lovin' on your husband. Make sure you are in-the-mood and you keep that sex life interesting. Oh! And make sure you look good while doing all of this. Wouldn't want to let yourself go, right?
For you stay-at-home-moms (or SAHMs for those in the know) your job is easy because you only have one: take care of the kids and the house. And do this 24 hours a day. 7 days a week. And be cheerful. And motivated. And stimulated. And fascinated. Oh! And cook three meals a day. Healthy ones. Make sure they look like something out of a magazine. And pick up the dry cleaning and the groceries and the light bulbs at Home Depot and take the dog to the vet and the kids to the doctor. And, if the kids cry during the night, get up and help them because, really, taking care of the kids is your only job. So, if the 9 month old wakes up at 3am and the almost 4 year old wants a drink of water at 5am and then the 9 month old is up for the day at 6am, that's your arena. And make sure you have the coffee made and are showered and looking SAHM sheik. Because, after all, that's your only job.
What's that men? I'm being one of those bitchy women?
I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the cheers coming from the overworked woman sitting next to you.
Today, in a moment of pure rage, I googled "How to fix a Lazy Husband" The embedded link will take you to the 3rd result (the one following countless rants from other frustrated women like me). Ms. Nina Roesner instructs us women to do 4 easy things to fix our men: Be appreciative of what he does do, Be clear and respectful, Schedule time (for him to "do his chores") and, of course, Give him more sex.
Shit! I must have googled "How to get into the head of a teenage boy".
No?
Damnit.
Couples should be a team. Being on a team means carrying your weight. If you don't carry your weight, you'll never score a goal.
So ladies, remind your man about the start of your relationship. How you both began to love one another. If you are married, remind him of his promise to you. Explain that he hasn't been helpful around the house. That, although you don't have a right to be bitchy, he doesn't have the right to behave like a child. Teenage girls are generally moody. Teenage boys are still babies. Tell him that he has no right to behave like an adolescent. Tell him you want a man.
Men, communicate your needs also. Not by leaving stuff everywhere, but by showing your wife that you are willing to work hard, too.
Screw you Nina Roesner, for perpetuating this double standard. I want an equal who is intuitive and kind.
Is that too much to ask?
