Hey men, wanna know what's really sexy?
What turns me on?
What makes me wanna get the kids in bed early, shake my hair out of its sensible ponytail, and get down to crazy-like-we-just-started-dating business?
Leave your wet towel on the floor.
Pretend you don't see the laundry piled up.
Put your dirty dish next to the sink.
Or, for the sure bet, play the game that's always a hit: "I-didn't-hear-the-baby-crying-otherwise-I-totally-would-have-gotten-up".
OK men, I get it. You're tired just like us. You work long hours too. But, last I checked and thanks to the feminist movement, women are working up to a double-even triple-standard.
For you working mothers out there, the expectation is that you put in a full day at the office and then come home, get a meal on the table, spend quality time with the kids, clean up around the house, throw in a few loads of laundry, make lunches for the next day, grade some papers (if you are a teacher), send some emails (if you are anything else) and then, when all of that is done, spend some time lovin' on your husband. Make sure you are in-the-mood and you keep that sex life interesting. Oh! And make sure you look good while doing all of this. Wouldn't want to let yourself go, right?
For you stay-at-home-moms (or SAHMs for those in the know) your job is easy because you only have one: take care of the kids and the house. And do this 24 hours a day. 7 days a week. And be cheerful. And motivated. And stimulated. And fascinated. Oh! And cook three meals a day. Healthy ones. Make sure they look like something out of a magazine. And pick up the dry cleaning and the groceries and the light bulbs at Home Depot and take the dog to the vet and the kids to the doctor. And, if the kids cry during the night, get up and help them because, really, taking care of the kids is your only job. So, if the 9 month old wakes up at 3am and the almost 4 year old wants a drink of water at 5am and then the 9 month old is up for the day at 6am, that's your arena. And make sure you have the coffee made and are showered and looking SAHM sheik. Because, after all, that's your only job.
What's that men? I'm being one of those bitchy women?
I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the cheers coming from the overworked woman sitting next to you.
Today, in a moment of pure rage, I googled "How to fix a Lazy Husband" The embedded link will take you to the 3rd result (the one following countless rants from other frustrated women like me). Ms. Nina Roesner instructs us women to do 4 easy things to fix our men: Be appreciative of what he does do, Be clear and respectful, Schedule time (for him to "do his chores") and, of course, Give him more sex.
Shit! I must have googled "How to get into the head of a teenage boy".
No?
Damnit.
Couples should be a team. Being on a team means carrying your weight. If you don't carry your weight, you'll never score a goal.
So ladies, remind your man about the start of your relationship. How you both began to love one another. If you are married, remind him of his promise to you. Explain that he hasn't been helpful around the house. That, although you don't have a right to be bitchy, he doesn't have the right to behave like a child. Teenage girls are generally moody. Teenage boys are still babies. Tell him that he has no right to behave like an adolescent. Tell him you want a man.
Men, communicate your needs also. Not by leaving stuff everywhere, but by showing your wife that you are willing to work hard, too.
Screw you Nina Roesner, for perpetuating this double standard. I want an equal who is intuitive and kind.
Is that too much to ask?
9 comments:
Well said! Unfortunately, it's a global problem: couple of years of marriage plus couple of kids equals "lazy" husband and overloaded wife! Sigh...
If ever you find a fix for this universal trend, you will be idolized by women everywhere!
Rose
Wow, I hardly know where to start here. Reading what you say, though it feels very new to you, is what women had silently struggled with for years. Finally in the 1970's a group of very brave women spoke up and feminism began. And not a moment too soon. And there can be no turning back! How to fix it? It's not your job to fix it! It's his job! And not being bitchy?oh I forgot-women are supposed to be even tempered. And,in case you didn't know, that bitchiness in men is called assertiveness! Women like Nina have been around for decades. Ignore it. It will suck your spirit and make you ill. Speak your truth firmly and don't settle for less. Because if women of your generation begin to settle, the hard fought rights won by our foremothers will begin to slip away. SAHM's or moms with outside employment-studies show that women work 70 hours to every 50 a man works! Unfair? Sure. Unacceptable? Absolutely!
{insert Standing ovation here}
You are totally right! I work full time at my job and at home. My husband is a stay at home dad and he won't even do the dishes! How do you get him to pull his own weight? I am so frustrated! He sings me songs, writes me poetry, but the only thing I want is for him to do his share!
Our dishes have been sat by the sink for 3 days, just piling up. I wish this were a one off, but unfortunately not! I do everything else around the house, look after our two children and I run my own business from home. Not to mention I am one of the committee members and charity trustees for our kids preschool. All I ask of him is this one simple thing and will he do it? Will he f*#k! He'll eventually clean a few, but leave the rest of them there festering! Our son has got another thing coming if he thinks he's going to be like his dad. I'm not going to lump his future partner with a lazy b*#@*r like his dad!
The only solution I can think of is that the woman can't work outside of the home. Whether men will admit it or not, they have issues with authority, especially with a woman's authority over them and since the house is the woman's territory for the most part, I believe that the men would just rather not do anything then do something and be told how to do it. If they can't do it their way, they'd rather not do anything at all....that's pretty much what I figured out about my husband. So I stopped folding and putting away his clothes....I'll probably eventually stop washing them as well if I get too tired and fed up. I'm working full-time, plus taking care of my 3 kids and sometimes his son and going to school for 9 credits a semester. He is a capable adult and I figured since I'm doing all these other things for the better of the family, he can at least take care of himself (or at least his folding of his clothes for now anyway).
Ok, so all the stay at home moms complain and moan. I get it, its hard but I work 12 hour shifts, pay for everything because my lazy husband can't keep a job. He then can't do laundry, keep up the house. He cooks dinner most days and tends to the baby when he is home. Oh and not to mention I have to pay for childcare AND his schooling mondays and thursday so he can go to 3 hours of class. So I have the joy of cleaning house and doing laundry on my days off while he sits his a** on the couch and watches tv and plays games on his phone, that I pay for. Needless to say I'm very frustrated and overworked since I pull overtime weekly to pay the bills. I wish I could sit on my butt and have no responsibilities like him. I said my vows and I won't leave him but I wish I could just smack him sometimes. I'm tired of being the man and woman in my marriage. I'm beginning to hate my husband.
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