Mardi Gras

I would like to let you in on yet another secret: My daughter is a boobie ninja.

She’s fascinated with my anatomy.

Not hers.

Mine.

And, try as I might (or, might not, actually) to keep things under wraps, she always finds me. Them. My breasts.

Today, we are home spending the evening together, so it is no big deal. She starts with a question of confirmation, “Dose awe yohwr boobies, Mommy?” She touches them.

I answer as I always do, “Yes, Zoe, these are mommy’s boobies”.

She follows predictably with her normal exclamation of glee, “Wooooooow, Mommy, dose awe some big boobies.”

I assure her that they are not, in reality, that big as boobies go. And, in general, that’s the end of it.

Though, sometimes it’s not. Sometimes she tries to climb into my top by way of my collar. She leads this approach with both little chubby hands and a head full of black curls. Picture diving into a pool. That’s how Zoe gets into my shirt.

Imagine this happening in line at Trader Joes as I balance her on my hip and watch the bagger load my groceries. If it’s a mom behind me, she usually laughs. If it’s a man however, it’s a different story. He gets a free show as I  buy green tea and avocados.

Lately, she has expanded her horizons. She gives my breasts nicknames.

She awards these nicknames loudly.

Like, howler monkey throwin' down in a jungle fight, loud.

In line at the doctor’s office: “Dose awe yohwr PRINCESS boobies, mommy!” (I was wearing a pink shirt).

Or, remarks with desperation “Yohwr boobies awe hiiiiiiidin’ mommeee!” (I’m still in a sports bra from a recent walk or run).

Those lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time get to have their boobies compared to my boobies. Even if that person is, for example, a cranky man in a cheap business suit and really bad shoes.

“You not have boobies yike my Mommeeee, you have NIPPLES!”.

The man is not amused. He buys his tube socks and old man underwear and vacates the Target line immediately.

I’m amused though. Because, if Zoe thinks it, she says it. 

And, I like that quality in my daughter. 

In anyone, really.

She’s spicy. And strong. And beautiful. And funny.

She’s my girl.

She’s the boobie ninja.