I drive a Mini Van.
I swore it would never happen to me, but it did. Each of the kids has their own Captain's Chair elaborately outfitted with car-seat and age-appropriate toys. Zachary's seat has a multi-pocketed mesh pouch that hangs beneath it which, in turn, holds a variety of items ranging from intellectually stimulating and eye catching books, a mini-etch-a-sketch, healthy (yet filling!) snacks and a medley of half decomposed glazed munchkins.
Zoe's pouches are still fledgling in their possessions. Their content of orphaned socks and baby wipes uninspiring. She does, however, have a music playing light up mirror (controlled with a remote that clips next to my garage door opener under my visor). So, there is that.
The Toyota Sienna commercials speak to me. I mean, they SPEAK to me on a level that shouldn't be possible or achievable through branding and marketing. Toyota's advertising agency is brilliant. Seriously.
Last night, outfitted in brand new post-pregnancy dark washed GAP denim and trendy (yet not slutty) top, I was jammin' to some Rhianna after making an appearance as a judge of a talent contest at a local high school. I was Rockin. It. Out. I'm so with it, right? Windows partly rolled down. Having myself a little late night (9:30 PM) pre-up-all-night-baby-feeding mini-van dance partay.
A sweet looking Mercedes pulled up next to me at a light with an equally appealing young man driving. He was totally checking me out. Totally.
There was no way he was turned off by the two baby seats he could clearly see in the back seat, right? I mean, that didn't interfere with his fantasy, right?
It's cool, hot-Mercedes-driver. Pay no attention to the safety seats in the back. You don't know I am wearing worn leather clogs. Ignore the day-glo orange and neon green baby mirror remote.
Just check my style, yo.
5 comments:
I just LOVE how you write. How you put words together. I want to be you- like all the time. This may seem stalkish...but I love your mind. :0)
The secret is that all men wish they had a mini van. And if they did, it would be re-branded as uber-masculine and sexy. And the driver would have a sexy 5:00 shadow. And tousled hair. And, whoever said that being a Mom in worn leather clogs isn't stuff for a Mercedes-driving-fantasy. I think it should be. "Cause Moms have been around.
Carol..... not all men want a minivan. This topic used to hold hours of laughs for me and my friends. If anyone was unlucky enough to be driving one as a loaner or rental, the jokes would come forth and we would roll around laughing over comments like "The Shaggin' Wagon" or "Chick Magnet". In truth, I have passed the tipping point of function over form where sensible trumps flashy and realized that minivans have virtues that I never quite saw before. I was blinded by their egg like shape and inability to take corners at high speed and couldn't see tons of head room, great seating and a low step in height. I'm not sure exactly when I started looking at minivans differently, but I realize it's one more sign along the road that tells me my priorities have secretly shifted as I travel farther into adulthood.
Love it Joel, and you are quite right. That shift into adulthood usually comes with sighs and subtleties rather than shouts and ceremony. However, you just can't beat the room! And, did you really post this at 3:33 AM?
First, regarding the cool points, minivans are such downers that they are forever being explained and apologized for ... just give it up. It is always a better "cool" choice to select a vintage VW Bus, or customize something with a front end on it. Otherwise, just suffer and suck it up like all parents from my childhood did with their station wagons. Heck, even some of those autos became REAL classics (e.g., "The Woody"). These contemporary, sexless mini-machines have no such future in store for them.
Now, to the other issue you raise. Take heart, Sara, you may have overlooked that you really do still possess the “moxy” and Siren's power to render the minivan's emasculating spell moot.
Nothing else to explain ... just sayin'
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